my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
