remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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