90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
