I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
