help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
