You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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