my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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