Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
