My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
