I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
