Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
