are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this beer tastes like vomit already
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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