Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
