i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
