I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
