I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
