i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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