sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
