I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
