I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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