last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
