WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
