I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
