somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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