I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up under a house in Key West
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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