I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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