i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
