he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
