I think my fart just growled at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
