Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
