Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
