There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
