I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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