Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
