just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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