if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
