i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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