He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
