I could make wine with my vomit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
