after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
