I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
