Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
