i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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