You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
