Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
