maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
