Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
