My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
