it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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