I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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