The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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