I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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