my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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