I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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