he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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