This girl is more easily done than said...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
