This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
