New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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