My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
