i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm really busy with my period
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