Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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