Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
40s are totally the cure
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
