my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
