the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
