My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
