dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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