she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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