My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
